I haven’t used this blog for ages, mainly because in 2013 I fell ill with an illness that was so severe I shut down my business and consigned me to wheelchair. Not much I can say about the illness creatively, there’s nothing good about it. It’s not fatal but there’s no cure, as yet. Many people recover, I’m hoping I might. The general consensus is that I will get back to working part time but it will take years in my head, five to seven, but there’s no guarantee of that either. I’m stuck in limbo land in so many ways.
I was a photographer and still am. I used to run workshops around Dartmoor where I live. I still take pictures when I can. Photography has always been my life line, when I was a teenager and going through reams of plastic corrective surgery it helped me, and it’s helping me now. It’s helping me more than these simple words can convey.
I never thought I would be a wheelchair user, like so many people. I was a disabled child, but not in this way. Whatever happens I know I will never forget this, and writing that makes me realise there is something to be gleaned from this experience.
I started writing this today because I imagined what I would do if we’re well for just one day. I’ve made a list below: thanks for reading this far. It’s OK, it gets cheerier from now,
1 I’d wake up, not in pain and I’d run just for the sheer joy of it into the street. I’d probably put some vacuous pop on my headphones and do coordinated street dance to frighten the neighbours.
2 I’d cook breakfast, pack it up and drive to Dartmoor and watch the mist form in the valleys and the sun come up. I’d drink coffee as the ponies wake up around me.
3 I’d drive to a river valley on the moor and walk into a stream as the mist swirled around me. I’d get my camera out I haven’t used for two years out and my tripod and take some photos.
4 I’d drink more coffee. I’d drive to Tintagel for lunch and see the sea again. I haven’t that for two years either. Too far away. I eat fish and chips and taste the salt on my lips and smell the precious sea salt in the air.
5 I might visit the rocky valley feel how it is to walk for a long time again see the labyrinth Rock carvings and see the point where rivers meet the Atlantic.
6 it’s winter so it’s getting dark. I’m still not tired so I drive to Exeter. I see the cathedral lit up from the outside, I hear voices of song echoing out into the night.
7 I must get drunk. Seriously I haven’t drunk for two years and I’m going to now, just on this one day. I may have a roll up too. Yes I know I quit, but hey I’m only well for one day. I’m getting wasted. And I’m going to dance. A lot. I got to bar and drink red wine and watch the students around me half my age all their lives in front of them. I down a bottle and the job is done. I go outside to smoke and it tastes horrible after all these years. Dancings out now, I’m 40 for heavens sake….
8 I get a taxi back to my moorland market town. I know I’ll be Sick again tommorrow but I don’t care. I’ve had a lovely day. I know if ever get well I’ll be grateful for so much. I sit down and I write this blog. Then I go outside in the cold Autumn air lay and look at the stars. I remember, the river, the sea, the cathedral, the voices, and the drink.
9 I write a note before I go to bed to thank people for reading this. And I ask them, what would you do, with your one day……